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The minute I heard my first love story I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.

Can you remember back to your first projected love?  I’m talking about the time when you first realized and conjured up your first ever ‘imagined’ ideal mate?  I think for most of us that we created a person in our minds that existed before we ever then projected those desires onto our first crush.  How romantic that time was.  Somebody to call to us and ignite our awareness of beauty and intimate companionship.  I remember picturing her in my head, us getting married, and no concept of time and change.  Perfection, right? I even saved a small three dimensional paper doily I had found at a family function that I kept in my top night table drawer waiting until the moment I presented it to her as my gift and symbol of anointing her my perfect eternal partner I had dreamed up decades previous.  All this, and I was 7.  I have long since lost that doily, but the memory and intention remains vivid as ever.  Then, the crushes came.  First, Ariel the Little Mermaid.  Then Susan from my grade 4 class.  Then Mrs. Humphrey, my grade six French teacher.  Then, a constantly rotating list of girls who replaced one another as the focus of my internal fancy leading up to my first real girlfriend.  Oh the poor first ‘real’ relationship and the person you then projected all your ideals, rules, concepts and lack of understanding onto.  Trying to get someone who is not you to fit all your rules for relationship and what various behaviors ‘mean’ to you is hard work.  Especially when you really want ‘the relationship’ to work out.  You are experiencing feelings so powerful, that you know are so rare to come by (mindset of scarcity) that why would you not push as hard as you can to ‘get’ this to work.  Well, you can get it to work when it really isn’t by sacrificing your self and your sanity among many other traits whose dignity we would ideally like to retain.  Or, you could lose your tension to trying to get ‘the relationship’ to work and instead have yourself, begin to ‘work’ in the present moment.  Free yourself, to be yourself, now, in the present moment with your focus only on what you are feeling this instant, and then allow your partner if you have one, to do the same.  Cherish yourself unconditionally, and you will cherish them for exactly the reasons you do yourself.  Free yourself to love, and you free them to love you. If you don’t have a true partner right now and would like one - Do this, with yourself, and they will literally be created for you.  You will attract them, and no longer have to look for someone to have ‘a relationship’ with.  It is hard enough to surrender and get in tune with the universe in the present and attract your soul mate.  It would be impossible to tune your future self to the future universe to find your future soul mate.  Open yourself now, and don’t confuse and value the effect (relationship) over the cause (true unconditional love). 

TuHnIiNqKuEeR

Imagine approaching a cashier at your local coffee house. Its October 22, 2008. She hands you your order and with a polite smile asks: "What is something you are unhappy with inside you that you are really trying to change right now?" What a gorgeous question that if asked randomly, softly, acceptably and untethered to the current date would elevate all our consciousness as we took an honest minute to introspect our pre-programmed behaviors. Has the New Year's resolution question lost its literal meeting and simply substitutes for a greeting this time of year?

I am intrigued by my conflicting thoughts on the occurrence.  I am grateful that the notion of a New Year’s resolution can prompt a much deeper than usual greeting question between acquaintances.  Asking someone if there is something they wish to acknowledge they wish to change about themselves, and having them share it openly is a window of genuine honesty that is very beautiful.  The genesis of the word ‘resolution’ however, is synonymous with employing willpower to change behavior.  A terrific start! But, we must acknowledge that willpower is by definition always and only temporary.  Without integrating your new lifestyle choice with your values, the only way we will maintain our willpower in the face of contrary impulses we are bound to face in the New Year is to ‘power’ our way through it.  For example: Say someone wishes to give up their routine of getting a muffin or doughnut on the way to work in the morning and replace it with a healthier or less caloric alternative.  Unless we have aligned our values with this altering of our behavior - we begin to feel we are giving up a pleasure we’ve earned on the way to work.  We will then have strong desires to self sabotage because our mind is conflicted about what it really wants.  This is a simple and minute example of the paradox we face that stops us from accomplishing much more important and grander intentions.  Our wiring is crossed.  We must recognize it, and consciously ‘untangle’ it if we wish to unlock ourselves from just existing on auto pilot.  One thing that humans will go to great length to avoid (this manifests itself in so many ways outside the scope of this particular article) is the notion of ‘missing out’.  If we decide to make a resolution that is contrary to this genetic programming, we will suffer more than we will benefit from the change.  Regardless of whether we stick to it or not.  We need instead, to look at the direction of the change we wish to make and assess it based upon what our values are.  Yes, this is much more work initially than simply invoking willpower, but it is the only strategy that can manifest a long term result.  Our values determine our behaviors in the long run.  In the short term, if we are simply using willpower without an examination of our values we will suffer inner conflict no matter how 'well' the change is going.  We will feel deprived of our old habit, or we will feel guilty at our lack of ability to consistently make this behavioral change… until we tell ourselves its okay to fall from the ideal we tried to set.  This cyclical pattern only robs us of our confidence in our self to make similar changes in the future.  We become weaker.  The good news is, that if you can unlock your hierarchy of values and tailor the change you wish to make to them, you can easily adopt a new pattern of behavior.  The bad news is that, we often mistaken the behavior for being in conflict with ourselves - and that leads us to the intellectually easy (lazy) and simple solution of merely changing the behavior.  Unfortunately, the real problem is that it is a value that is in conflict with another value - which causes the behavior.  It is deeper, more painful to acknowledge, more work, but the truth of the problem.  Tailor the resolution, or work on sorting out your confliction in values, and you will have your result without maintenance. 

TuHnIiNqKuEeR

Jumping from the plane...

I want to live a life greater than myself.  Chasing more money, chasing more opportunity, having better sex, having more sex, having more good relationships, having better relationships, having better self confidence, having better body image/body, getting a promotion, among thousands of examples, being more than what we are today is what motivates us and chasing these things give us a sense of happiness.  But you see the entire thing is not in the thing or the concept to be had in the chasing.  I will never get to the finish line if I remain in my out-of-the-box operating system. I will my entire life be forever chasing, and never getting ‘there’.  It is amazing that this can be enough to fuel an entire human’s life span.  I have to create my own operating system.  Otherwise I will run out of energy – I will run out of motivation, I will run out of time manifesting my highest aspiration of myself because my operating system dictates I must chase these things.  Well what happens when you are no longer interested in any of it?  It is not a bad thing that I get to the finish line simply by removing my desire to chase. By being aware and calling out the fallacy of the chase.  Yes, now in this transitory period that is why everything is losing interest for me and it is a very scary abyss to be entering but it is truth as I have discovered it.  Yes, there is a massive disconnect that is occurring – but it is necessary because otherwise I will be hitched to too many limiting factors in my pursuit of my life’s purpose.  There very much is a feeling of ‘me’ dying.  There is so much of what my ego held as its interpretation of ‘me’ that is letting go through my thoughtful force.  It (my ego) wants to maintain it.  But its vision is short sighted.  Yes I can remain on this treadmill forever and proceed as everyone else who hasn’t had this awakening does. I am not going to accept these fallacies to stand in my way.  I am unwilling to trade my soul’s desires of expression anymore.  I can not ‘trade’ any of my body, or my time, or my life for money.  I have to fulfill my purpose and because it has value and if I can deliver it – Money will come.  If I entertain the idea of ‘what if it doesn’t?’  Then I am operating from fear, and operating from fear will never express my soul’s desire, and will inevitably lead me to create far less value, thus creating far less money.  Can I jump? My ego is still holding on…  I must continue to strip it of its power. 

TuHnIiNqKuEeR

Using passion as your fuel will no more assure you of success than being in love will ensure a successful long term relationship.

We often are indoctrinated with false misconceptions as to the cause and carrying force of some of the things we wish to pursue most in life.  Two that come foremost to the mind are our career choice and our primary relationship.  Passion and Love are things romanticized to seek and uncover.  While definitely important to among other things create meaning and identify what we value, they are not ideas that will carry us through to fully realize either of their objectives.  It will rather be through a cultivation of self discipline and relationship skills that will provide the results that we seek in both endeavors.  Therein lies the critical distinction between creation and execution. The realization of what is needed to carry us through the different parts of the process, to lead us to a complete experience of that which we most desire.

TuHnIiNqKuEeR

Christmas still has the power of a being a beautiful catalyst, but has been widely perverted by all who seek to gain from it.

The 'Meaning of Christmas' is an interesting thing to watch being defined between generations.  In my experience of it this year the Grandparents bemoan the meaning of Christmas being lost in that 'does anyone go to midnight mass anymore?'. My parents run around making sure everyone has many presents, all food and party details are taken care of, spending thousands of dollars all told on making sure things are 'perfect'.  The kids play playstation and watch TV and play on mobile phones taking pictures and immediately uploading them to share (show off identity) on social networks while commenting electronically with many people not physically present.  Who has the 'meaning of Christmas' in the best context? Materialism and identity gratification are rampant, just in different forms.  Everybody is satisfying the same thing - merely in their different ways of extracting meaning from highly self-motivated pursuits.  There is a misconception between the generations that they are behaving quite differently from each other. Go a level deeper, strip away the specific manifestations of behavior, and they are doing exactly the same thing... Mainly missing the point of Christmas.  If we would just pool the literally trillion dollars spent on all of us who have ridiculously exceeded what is required to live a good life already; and give that money to projects intended to better the lives of those who don't have the even the necessities to survive with dignity... What a difference we could make.  If we would pool just a part of the billions of hours we spend planning and being together for a consumerism Christmas; and spend that time on the people who's experience of life is greatly deprived of our social abundance... Again, what a difference we could make.  Could our current experience of the holidays ever be scaled back?  Or, ironically, would we need a new 'world religion' to 'start over' the entire point of an awakened humanity and mass reflection on what makes us all of, and from, a single entity? 

TuHnIiNqKuEeR

When the avalanche starts...

People are starting to question whether our rugged individualism is such a good thing after all.  What once served us so well is finally crumbling for the simple reason that it’s unsustainable.  It’s a paradigm that will eventually leave us drowning in our own wastes.  In this sense humans are no different than bacteria in a petri dish.  Each individual working only for its self-interest ultimately contributes to the destruction of the whole collective.

When you first begin to awaken from the social haze, it can be very frightening.  You may feel disconnected, alone, and isolated.  You seem to notice things that no one else around you does.  And you begin to question whether or not your new perceptions are accurate.  Initially, you may feel worse than you ever have before.  You thought you knew what life was all about, but now… everything just seems broken.  Perhaps you feel this crushing weight of helplessness upon you.  You sense that something isn’t right, but you feel powerless to change it.

For some people this awakening may come via the head.  You begin to question the way most people live, and it looks more and more insane to you.  For others it comes through the heart.  Perhaps you bite into your ham sandwich one day, and it suddenly dawns on you that an animal had to suffer and die as a result of your choice, and maybe just a tiny bit of compassion seeps into your awareness.  Other people may wake up through the consciousness-expanding work of meditation.  And still others may find that it’s through service to others that they expand their perspective.  The process by which this expansion occurs isn’t that important.  What matters is simply that it does occur.

When you begin to awaken to a broader perspective, it may feel so uncomfortable that you will desperately want to return to your old perspective.  But it is already too late.  As hard as you try, you will find no more joy in the trappings of your previous life.  You may suffer from a marked decline in ambition and an almost overwhelming problem with procrastination.  As you look around, all you will see are empty surfaces with no depth.  Your motivation to do anything drains out of you.  You might even begin to feel stressed and panicked about it.

If you seek help from others who haven’t yet been through this expansion of consciousness, they won’t be able to help you.  They will only make things worse for you.  They may even want to drug your problem to help you try to forget.

Higher awareness is like a fire that burns within you.  It will gradually burn off that which cannot hold its energy.  Many parts of you will die.  You will gasp for breath as you see your previous career ambitions, your old projects, your relationships, and your attachment to possessions fall away one by one.  You will lament these losses, and you may begin to wonder if you will have anything left.  What once seemed important to you now becomes only dust.

Everyone experiences this process differently.  For some it is a spiritual awakening.  For others it feels like a midlife crisis.  Your initial reaction will be to fight it, but such attempts will be in vain.  You’re undergoing a quantum leap to a higher level of awareness, and there is no turning back.  Once the process begins, it is irreversible.  The more you fight it, the more suffering you will experience.

As you progress through this period of expansion, the pain and fear will eventually subside.  You will begin to feel more at peace.  Your former life will be broken, but a new one will start to emerge.  Once you acknowledge the trivial as trivial, you’ll be ready to refocus your life on that which has the potential to matter.  You will begin to seek out and embrace the real purpose of your life.  And your new state of consciousness will begin to feel comfortable and even pleasurable to you.  Discovering what actually matters enough to devote your existence to it is the very heart and soul of personal development.

Once you’ve completed this expansion of your perspective, you’ll finally start living as the great spirit you truly are instead of as the shell that houses it.  You will permanently recognize the trivial as trivial, and no amount of social conditioning will be strong enough to shrink your awareness back down again.  You will still be able to function in the world, but at a whole new level.  Many people have tremendous fear that if they expand their awareness, they will fall so out of touch with reality that they’ll put their survival (and their family’s survival) at risk.  But this transitional phase is only temporary.  On the other side is a place where survival becomes easy, so easy in fact that it barely requires any attention at all.  And from this new place, you can live as the fearless being you were always meant to be.  Joy will become your natural state, and you will finally know what is important enough to live for.

If you haven’t yet begun to experience this expansion, then this description will make little sense to you (in fact, it’s doubtful you’ve read this far because your ego would have compelled you to stop reading).  If you’re experiencing this expansion in your life now, then just know that your “dark night of the soul” will eventually end; you can make it easier on yourself if you learn to relax into it without resisting.  And if you’ve already emerged on the other side, then the above is just a summary of what you’ve already been through.